4.24.2008

what do you do with the pieces of a broken heart..





i don't have a broken heart, but i have just been really depressed and moody. and now i feel like i've had the worst week ever and a shouldn't been so sad. i think i always find some excuse to not be happy. which is ridiculous because i should be happy because everything is fantastic. and the most fantastic thing is the fact that i have my cutie pie (pictured on the right). and i don't understand how he puts up with me being so depressed. i am trying to figure out what's wrong with my head right now and what is making me so upset. i've come up with a few reasons:
1. daniel jokes too much when i am trying to be serious, but that isn't even a big issue, it's just a baby one, and most of the time his joking makes me in a much better mood, but when i am as depressed as i am right now, it just makes matters worse.
2. i still live at home with my mother, which i guess is ok considering most kids my age still live at home, but really annoying in my brain.
3. sometimes i feel really left out at my job. i know that they all like me, but i guess i feel like i just don't fit in. i miss dinora a lot, she always made me feel like i belonged since the first day, but i am happy she finally had her cute little baby girl, and i will see her again in 3 months.

4. i've been thinking like WAY TOO MUCH about what the future will be like for me, and hopefully daniel. and that is what is my major issue right now. this is the big reason why i have been so sad. all my little sadness have stemmed from this one big problem, and it is just a ridiculous problem. it's mostly a wish, to fast forward to the future, daniel and i married, kids, happiness, togetherness...but i can't fast forward and i can't tell if daniel and i will be together for the rest of our lives, this is such a girlie thing to be so upset about. i think i am just really tired of waiting. i am scared if daniel and i ever did end our relationship, what then? i don't know if i would look for another replacement (there is no replacement of course, no one as perfect as he).

but i know what i have to do to fix this, stop living in the future and just be happy living right now. i feel so horrible for being such a baby and getting so moody lately. when i see him today i am going to make sure to tell him how sorry i am.


in other news i made daniel his "cake," i guess you could say, for his birthday. and he looked like a cutie pie. here are some pictures.




more to come later. don't feel like fitting everything into one blog.










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