brain damage

so daniel, mickey (mick to some people) , and i have been playing a few games of handball at night. its fun, its extreme, it really works your body out (my bum muscles have been so sore for days, its great)

anyways, today daniel and i asked amy and andrew if they would like to come play today. we went, took hazel, had some fun playin hand ball, amy took pictures. then amy went to walk hazel around the school and thats when things went all down hill.

we always kind of get into each others way because this is extreme handball and anything goes, so the ball just goes every where and you better get out of the way when someone is going for it. well....one time...i didnt and daniels shoulder and full body weight came crashing into my crainium, things went black for a second, but i came back out alive, then i totally went into the corner and started crying. i am the biggest baby, and i just need a hug, and daniel said i look cute crying and hiding in a corner needing some hugs from him (he did hold me while i was crying, after he said sorry a thousand times, then laughing at me for looking cute , i still dont get while he laughs when i look cute because that just furthered my embarrassment more). and i guess i said my famous saying when i freak out, or something goes wrong, which is " oh no no no no no no." i must have really not wanted that to happen, but it was just really unexpected. i still have a headache, but i think i am going to pull through this one.

i need a nap..



its 3:40 and this is the latest i have ever had to stay at my work, i think it's because my boss isn't here to set me free...no i'm sitting here acting bored and no one is letting me free..i think it's because the second in charge doesn't care to let me go (i have secret feelings she doesnt like me)

but then i thought...i always get out early on fridays, who else is ever really that lucky with their job? maybe a few, but i am one of them. so i need to just shut my mouth and be happy with the fact that some of my fridays will be different. and whether short or long, i am pretty lucky.

note to self: i need to stop being a complainer sometimes. i let it get to me too much.


it's 1:33pm and i am the only person in my office...everyone's at lunch...and the DA's are in court.

i feel so alone. tumbleweeds just need to pass by me right now. only my luck there would just be a cockroach that comes running by, because my work is infested with those ugly things.

i've never seen one before until i work here...they are horribly ugly.

i do have to say one thing that is my favorite about walking into work monday morning is if i look left and right i will see a bunch of dead cockroachs on my walk down to my office. there are usually about 10, upside down, and dead. it's like a cockroach war occured over the weekend.

it's 1:40, and i am still alone. well i guess i can rephrase that..it's just me and my cockroach friends, i know they're in here, they just dont come out all the time.


scout niblett.

this month i have a major girl crush on SCOUT NIBLETT

i mean..how could you not? she will almost always be seen in this awesome orange jumpsuit/vest thing. shown below

she makes ridiculously awesome music; full of emotion, power, catchy melodies, and kick butt drum beats that sound simply, but totally make the whole song. i am definitely loving everything scout niblett today. look how cool she looks playing the guitar.

lastly..she's a cutie pie. i mean...isn't that one of the main reasons you get a crush in the first place on someone? well i mean if you were to really have a major crush on someone (sorry scout this isnt a MAJOR crush, i am just admiring you for who you are, which is just a super awesome person) anways, thats my girl crush of right now. and now i will put files away and get ready to run out the door, jump in my car, drive for 45 mins on the freeway (in no traffic), get off the freeway, drive down the street to daniels, jump out of the car because i can not wait to see his cute smilin face (i wonder which one it will be), say hi to hazel and pet her a really really long time (because she will keep following you until you do, because she just loves being greeted), say hi to everyone else in the house, probably see andrew in the same spot as always (on the right side of the bed playing zelda, and if he's not there he's on the couch on the computer or at work), then eat something (maybe, if i ever have time), drive to school, stay there 6-9, and lastly back to daniels to relax because i have had a very busy day....and thats only the last 7 1/2 hours of it. too busy...but i like it.

one day i will settle down, make daniel work, and be a housewife....one day....

yep...she is awesome.


can i just say a couple of things

see that cutie above, smilin? you know the cutie pie jumpin AND smilin?

well, that's my cutie. and i am totally in love with him.

especially when he smiles like that, which is every single day.
so cute.

p.s. picture was taken by AMY SCHUBERT.



to myself, because i am so completely out of my week of being so gosh darn depressed. i am so over it, and it feels, well, like i am really extremely happy for the next few months until my brain starts being all "hey man, i like to think about sad things all day long, and then i'll just sit and dwell on it all week..blah blah blah, i hate when you are happy.." wow, my brain can be really mean sometimes.

anyways, i had a lovely four days with my sugar pie honey bunch. i can't believe how cute he is, and how lucky i am to have such a wonderful person in my life. and not only did i just get him with this awesome package, i got his whole freakishly awesome family along with it. they definitely do not sell that great of a deal at costco.

anyways i shall tell my of my four days of fun.

friday: got out of work at noon, ridiculous, but great. daniel and i went down to hollywood and dropped of his film at A&I to be developed. We shopped and actually napped in the parking lot of A&I while we waited. Then came home to his house and just relaxed, just the two of us. (which i love)

saturday: went to daniels in the morning, waited for katie (daniels sister) and joe (katies bf) to come over to his house. then we all went out to lunch at red robin, which was delicous! i really love eating at red robbin sometimes, plus it was were daniel and i had one of our first dates, and i drew a picture of this guy we knew who looked like an ice cream cone and made him laugh, which was great because it's always nice when someone you like laughs at your jokes (later i would find out just how many laughs that cutie has, it's a lot, and i love every single one of them). after lunch we all went back to his house and relaxed, then daniel had to go to work (lame) and i went home to drink wine with my mom, giggle, talk about my love for daniel, and watch pride and prejudice. then i picked up my sweetie from work, went back to his house, cuddled and painted, then went back home to bed.

sunday: woke up, went to daniel, played wii while julie went to the farmers market, then all three of us, and mine and daniels baby (dog) hazel drove down the 118 to topanga to hike on stoney point...silly name, but its this huge rock formation that you can climb all the way up to the top to. it's great fun, and daniel and i used to go almost every weekend, but then we just got so busy every weekend we havent had the time, so we want to try to start going again. after that we dropped julie and hazel off and went to my house and i cooked my first ever meal for everyone, i guess it turned out great (which i have to credit THE PIONEER WOMAN for the recipe, its the chicken spaghetti recipe) then we watched a movie, went back to daniels house and painted again, then i went home to beddy bye.

monday: HOLIDAY so i was off of work (p.s. did i ever mention that i love working for the county?) so we got up early because we had to be at my house at 5pm for bar-b-que and we really wanted to do something fun, so we went to the beach with hazel, andrew (daniels brother), and andrews wife amy. she took lost of pictures which you will probably find on her blog HERE. so daniel, andrew, and me always sing this song about hazey swimmin in the deep blue sea and how it was fun for you and me..well, it was fun for us, but she definitely did not like the waves at all. it was hilarious seeing her get so freaked out and pulling us toward dry land, now we will have to think of a new song for hazey girl. you know what really makes me super duper happy now that i think about it...i named my cute girl Hazel...i've never named anything before...it feels great. what a loser i am..i am also yoda apparently. anyways back to my monday, after we were done with the beach amy and andrew left with hazel and daniel and i went shopping along the main street of ventura. went home passed out for an hour and a half, woke up in my pj's thinking it was just a bbq for my fam, but found people in my house, so i had to get dressed (lame). went to daniels house after bbq. i then made daniel look greasy and ugly, then took pictures of him with his awesome medium format camera the mamiya RZ67 featured below.

Then we painted yet again (finals suck, but painting ones dont really suck that bad, but are still a lot of work). then lastly a more than needed cuddle, because i love cuddling, then i accidentally fell asleep in his lap...opps. what a great ending for a three and a half day weekend.


sometimes i let myself think...

..and let myself think so much that i don't know what i am doing, all i know is i am thinking, really deeply...about how depressing life can be sometimes. i really just think that it is just in my personality to get extremely depressed. it happens at least a week every two months or so, and let me tell you, it hurts, a lot. it feels as though my life turns out of focus, and my vision is in a daze, and i just go through my everyday like that, until i tell myself to snap out of it because my life is fantastic, and there is absolutely no reason to be so depressed.

there are reasons though. i don't want to go into detail exactly what those reasons are, but they will haunt me forever i think, until they are fulfilled in my mind, or i have finally put some of my really bad past behind me. sometimes i think that i wish i could have made my life better, made wiser choices, but i always have to tell myself that i can't turn back and fix everything.

yesterday i thought so much while driving to daniels house i felt like i was about to burst into tears (i am extremely emotional). then i wanted him to hurry so i could tell him everything on my mind, but i forgot practically everything i wanted to say and get off of my chest. all i ended up saying was that i can't imagine spending one day without him, and the thought of it makes me want to scream. ha. a little over exaggerated, but i dont think i could do it. it sounds so silly, but i really depend on daniel to help me through my life, i wouldn't be who i am today without him. he really saved me from becoming a nightmare of a human being, i was totally different before he came into my life, i lost my personality, my life, my friends. i felt like i was never supposed to have happiness. i guess that's what gets me so sad sometimes as well, i always talk myself down, and tell myself that daniel shouldn't be with me. i just want to stop all this bursts of sadness.

i dont think i can though. it's just how i have always been. i just try to tell myself to think positively as much as possible. maybe that will work.


astrology? fact or fiction?

This is daniel's and i ASTROLOGY LOVE COMPATIBILITY. i think a whole lot of it really says how we are in our relationship, but i feel silly believing in something like this. (but it all is freakishly true about us) **cue in twilight zone music**

When Taurus and Cancer come together in a love affair, it's usually a very good combination. They are two positions apart within the Zodiac, and such Signs tend to share karmic ties and a deep mutual understanding. These particular two Signs have much in common: Both prize security in a love relationship above almost all else; both tend to be nurturers (Cancer is emotionally nurturing while Taurus loves to spoil their lover with sensual delights, gifts and good, rich meals). They're both quite domestic and love a quiet night spent at home with their sweetie.

The Taurus-Cancer partnership tends to be a happy one due to this mutual enjoyment of the security and comfort of home. They love a solid home base, a strong relationship, nice possessions, good food: all the comforts of domestic life. Theirs is often the ideal family that people of other Signs strive for, with strong ties between them and a relationship that is family-oriented rather than toward the outside world. Their only major problems arise when Taurus insists on having its own way and Cancer responds by sulking. Taurus must understand Cancer's emotional sensitivity, and Cancer needs rely on open, honest communication than on emotional blackmail.

Taurus is ruled by Venus (Love) and Cancer is ruled by the Moon (Emotions). Both of these celestial bodies vibrate with feminine energy. Cancer often keeps emotions bottled up and simmering inside, which can lead to occasional boil-overs. Thus, Cancer is attracted to Taurus's open, honest, unafraid nature. As the Moon controls the tides of the Earth, quietly affecting all life, so does Cancer, manipulating behind the scenes. Cancer tends to be sentimental, and both partners prefer to enjoy each other rather than socializing with large groups.

Taurus is an Earth Sign and Cancer is a Water Sign. Water and Earth are compatible as tangible, physical entities. As a Water Sign, Cancer is born to nurture an Earth Sign like Taurus the way rain nurtures Earth and helps crops grow. In turn, Taurus tends to have a more stable view of life than does Cancer and is less prone to emotional turmoil; therefore, Taurus can help Cancer stabilize their tumultuous feelings. Both Signs must be careful in this relationship, however: Taurus may tire of Cancer's mood swings, and Cancer may in turn feel that Taurus is insensitive to their needs.

Taurus is a Fixed Sign and Cancer is a Cardinal Sign. Taurus has Fixed habits; they won't change an opinion once it's formed. This can provide Cancer with an emotional rock, as Taurus is entirely dedicated to the relationship. In turn, Cancer can bring new inspiration to the relationship and start new projects that Taurus will enjoy taking over later.
What's the best aspect of the Taurus-Cancer relationships? The steady, reliable team they make. Both Signs are dependable and nurturing, strongly oriented toward domestic life together. A mutual love of home and security makes theirs an ideal long-term, family relationship


this world is a beautiful one.

i bring my silly little digital camera with me everywhere i go and take pictures of this world and its beauty.

these are from when daniel and i went to bishop for our one year anniversary. which was about 4 months ago.

this one is just a little bit on the outskirts of lancaster. i definitely thank daniel for showing me the beauty in deserts, i love them. and i drive on my hour and a half lunch break through the desert and the desolation of them is some sad, but so relaxing. it's a perfect way to let your mind relax and just think about everything. thats my opinion on deserts..
also: everyting below this were taken while i was driving in my car. i love multitasking.

and the last ones are along sierra highway. i take this drive to work and back home everyday and it is beautiful

also on my drive through sierra highway i have recently become obsessed with the structure of telephone poles. i really would like to take an abstract picture one one someday. i dont know. the lines are so beautiful. i stare at them my whole drive and just want to jump out and stare at them all day. i know its kind of a weird thing.
anyways. those are my beautiful places.the end.