6.25.2009

Too many thoughts


I am becoming obsessed with my thoughts on my drives to & from work. I blame "thought obsession" on Daniel because he is the same way. Always staring off into the distance thinking about something, obsessing, so much thinking that he furrows his brows. It's made a big dent in-between his eyes, it's quite cute. I love that little dent.

Anyways, I've become completely obsessed with different ideas that they are all mashed in my brain trying to become real instead of just ideas. And that's when I have a heart attack because I feel like I will never be able to make anything become real. It's not because I am lazy...well...not that lazy. It's just I become overwhelmed & sometimes I wish I had just one idea that sparked my interest, instead of EVERYTHING sparking my interest. I want to do EVERYTHING imaginable, but I just don't think one person can do everything they want, create anything they want...I guess I just get flustered with not having a dream or a purpose or even a dream job.

I wish I could find my purpose...I'm turning 22 in three days and I feel like time keeps falling through my hands faster & faster & I'm just getting older & older and before I know it I will be 50 and still have nothing.

I think that I'm freaking myself out...and everyone always says I am still young enough to think about what I want, but am I? Really? Because I don't feel very young & I feel like time is running out. I want to do something I am passionate about & I am definitely not passionate about filing papers.

ARRRGGGHHH, stupid brain. Please shut up.
I am very happy though to at least have a million dreams instead of none at all.

p.s. I promised pictures of the worst sun burn in the world...here it is...

This makes me laugh because his arms are ridiculously dark. It hurts to look at. My poor sweetheart.

5 comments:

Daniuel said...

first off. cute picture of you...and not so pleasent image of me. secondly, you can do anything you want to do, and its great to have many dreams and ideas instead of one. keep working obn all of them and then maybe they will narrow down and if they dont, then thats spectacular too have interests in sooo many things. i know you can achieve whatever you dream. and besides, for now you have a terrific job and tons of people who love you

Amy T Schubert said...

there are people out there who don't start the career they are meant for until they turn 30 ... or 40 or 50 even.

Like my aunt, who finally got sober and joined the Peace Corp at age 50. True story.

You have PLENTY of time.

Jenae said...

Thanks for the encouragement. It really helps.

mon said...

Being 50 myself, I feel that I have accomplished many things and still have more to do in my lifetime. I have not given up. Jenae, Bob, and Brooke you are my greatest triumph. David your the one. Were happy and healthy, what more can I ask for?

Anonymous said...

Hello Darling,

First of all, what you are feeling is normal. You could have paved a different path in pursuing a dream, but you have taken an approach that works for you. My recommendation is to continue to dream, and at the same time continue to take classes at school. At somepoint in this process, you will have a trigger that pushes you towards a career that makes you feel good. I was originally indending to be an Accountant, which I didn't really like. I accidently got involved in Technology and now that is what I do. Just because you do a job, doesn't mean that is the only thing that gives you fulfillment. Living life and enjoying the peripheral things in life are just as important. It is a combination of work, friends and play that give you fulfillment. Keep smiling, and dreaming!! Love you.

Dad